The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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