The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
