"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
