WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
