I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
