Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
