We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
