You're so nebulous sometimes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
