I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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