just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
there is puke in my bra ... again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
