dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
