isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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