i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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