i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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