If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
