I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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