I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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