ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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