until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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