how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
