im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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