Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
