her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
