my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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