Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
