i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
