one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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