put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
