Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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