Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
