All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
