I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
