I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
