my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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