So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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