i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
