What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
