Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
