I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
