I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
