Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
