His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize