Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
