He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
