so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
