Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize