I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
