I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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