Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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