My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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