Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
