Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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