On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nicole vs. Life
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
