I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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