so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
