I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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