Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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