Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
