i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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