I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize