I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
