I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
