I haven't been this sober since birth.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
