her vagine was all disorganized.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
not ubering you a puppy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
