your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
