So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
