Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
