No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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