it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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