sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
