ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
