**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
