Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
