Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
