I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
