STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
