im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
