sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
3pm strippers are depressing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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