I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
