I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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